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The definition of nag(v) is to irritate by constant urging. My mother always nagged me about cleaning up my room or doing my homework and followed up her nagging by using phrases like “disappointed in you” and “you can do better”. My father nagged me about practicing for sports and curfews and, typically, followed up his nagging by waking me up at 7a.m., on a weekend, during the summer, for some sort of wind sprint-filled workout.
Although the word nag carries a somewhat negative connotation in a relationship, I would offer that my parents’ method of nagging (words combined with follow-up actions) made me the person that I am today. As a mother, I honed my skills as a nagger. I loved my daughter, but I also sprinkled that love with LOTS of reminders to “Brush your teeth.”; “Do your homework.”; “Clean your room.”; “Turn it DOWN!”; and “Wear sunscreen.” However, rather than relying on follow-up actions, I utilized follow-up questions to enhance my nagging messages such as “Do you want to get cavities?”; “Will you be happy with average grades if you knew you could do better?”; “Do you want new clothing?”; “Did you want to make yourself deaf?”; and “Do you enjoy getting a sunburn?”.
My daughter turned out great and is now a mother of two little ones herself. And as much as I know that my love and support contributed to her fine character, so too, did the nagging, because I can’t help but smirk when I hear her reminding her own son to “Brush his teeth” or “Clean up his toys”. But if parental nagging is quite effective in contributing to well-groomed, tidy and self-motivated adult children, why then is it NOT as effective when dealing with a spouse?
Nagging a spouse who is ALREADY an adult and, for that matter, someone we CHOSE to be with, simply stated, feels like, for lack of a better word…NAGGING! But, because I still feel as though my frequent and incessant reminding will still help cultivate a healthy (well-groomed, tidy and self-motivated) spouse, I still nag. I have tried altering my nagging technique to include follow-up affirmations of love. Nagging phrases of “Take your vitamin.”; “Wear a shirt that isn’t stained”; and “Put on sunscreen.”, are usually followed up by “It’s only because I love you so much.”; “It’s because you are so handsome.”; and “Because I don’t want you to feel itchy and peel.” However, what I have discovered is that it is a combination of knowing when to nag and when not to nag, that is now the most effective. If I don’t tell (yell to) my husband to use sunscreen and then he gets a sunburn and feels itchy, I simply scratch his back for him. And when he sees that I then need to vacuum or dust-bust the floor after his flakey and peeling skin falls everywhere, he feels badly… But lately, I have decided to just be more direct in my approach and have taken to simply, dust-busting his back! Experience! Experience!
Kathy Naumann, possessor of NATURALLY curly hair and the understanding that you can’t control everything!
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