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Auclair
winning
battle with
stress
By Ron P. Coderre
Mention the name Tom Auclair around northeastern Connecticut, especially in baseball circles and the picture of an energetic, enthusiastic and dedicated baseball coach comes to mind immediately.
For more than two decades at Tourtellotte Memorial High School and with the TriTown American Legion baseball program, Auclair devoted literally thousands of hours to the players on his teams. And for more than 34 years he also provided the same dedication to the high school students in his classes.
His intense devotion to doing all that he could as a teacher and coach to shape these young minds into productive, responsible citizens often at the expense of his own family and health eventually took its toll on the man that many thought was harsh and made of nails.
Sometime in early 2005, while in the classroom Auclair began sweating profusely and became very weak. The mysterious condition, which doctors were unable to uncover its etiology, caused the devoted teacher-coach to eventually retire in 2006 from the only professional life he had ever known.
The condition, that came on so suddenly, appeared to alleviate itself following his retirement. He was even able to come off the various regimes of medications that a number of doctors had prescribed in attempting to bring Auclair back to some semblance of who he had been previously.
As it is with conditions that affect our psyches, the dreaded sweats and weakness recurred in 2007. Unfortunately, the demons have been haunting Auclair since.
“Whatever the doctors attempted, nothing seemed to work. I became so depressed I didn’t want to see people and became reclusive. It was so bad that there were times when I couldn’t get out of bed,” said Auclair.
“My brain didn’t want to do anything. I completely lost confidence in myself. But the mystery was the fact that no one - doctors, counselors, other professionals - could figure out the cause of my condition,” he said.
Auclair, who is 66 years old, was adopted in 1947 by an elderly Putnam couple, Alferie and Jeannette Auclair who were in their 40s at the time. When he was 10 years old his adoptive parents informed him that he had been adopted but they never told and he never asked about his biological parents. For more than 50 years, Auclair lived thinking he’d never know the story of his biological family.
During his years as a high school teacher-coach, Auclair had a four-year stint, 1985 to 1988, when he served as Tourtellotte’s varsity girls’ basketball coach in addition to his baseball duties. His teams were very competitive, winning the Quinebaug Valley Conference championship in 1985-86, while posting an impressive 25-2 record. One of his star players was Eva Houle.
In 2012, Eva Houle, in her early 40s, lay on her dying bed stricken with cancer. One of her final requests was to see her former coach to say their final goodbyes. Auclair stood by his former player’s side, holding her hand and offering words of comfort and solace. Little did he realize that Eva Houle would play a role in helping to uncover the root cause of his severe anxiety disorder.
In the room that day was Eva’s sister, Valentine Iamartino, a genealogy researcher. A brief conversation led to an agreement to have Iamartino attempt to find Auclair’s birth parents. Her research turned up answers almost immediately.
Auclair, it was discovered, was born out of wedlock in 1946. His biological parents, who never married, are both deceased. He also discovered that his father had four children and his mother had six children, all of whom lived in the Providence area. Through DNA testing and conversations with brothers and sisters he never knew he had, Auclair found out that his father and siblings all had a history of anxiety depression.
“All my life I lived about a half hour away from my siblings and neither of us knew we existed. They are extremely nice people, who were happy to know they had an older brother. In fact, they showed me a photo of my father and there is a very strong resemblance. It was a secret that I believe we were all happy to uncover,” said Auclair.
Auclair’s family, his wife Jan and daughter Heidi, are all somewhat relieved and very happy about the discovery. Although his sons Adam and Aaron are somewhat reticent and ambivalent about knowing their newfound family, Heidi is anxious to get to know them better.
“My wife has been a strong source of support for me throughout my years of anxiety. Although we were both frustrated with the situation at times, she’s really helped me through every up and down I’ve been through,” said Auclair.
Although he’s not out of the woods, the fact that he knows his mental situation was passed on genetically offers him and his physicians a treatment path to recovery. Mornings are still the toughest time of the day for Auclair but he’s enjoying good sleep, playing golf regularly and exercising about five times a week. He and his wife are in the process of purchasing a condo in Florida that they hope will be part of the recovery.
“I’m not the same person I was before. Some things still bother me. I have high blood pressure caused by the anxiety. But knowing my story and family history has helped me to move on. I may have to live with some anxiety for the remainder of my life but my goal is to get back to who I once was,” said Auclair.
Maybe it was Divine Providence or maybe it was chance but the fact that Tom Auclair always had a deep seated love for all of his students and players has come back to help him. As he reached out to help his student-athletes for years, his reward came through in the form of a dying young lady, who realized the love her coach had passed on many years ago.