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In any family, there is always one member who is the designated bug killer. When I was growing up, it was my father. He might have been the obvious choice since we were a household with five women but based on the enthusiasm he demonstrated in this role, I am certain that he was made for the job. If we saw a spider or a flying insect and yelled “Dad, come kill a bug!” he would, firstly, want us to describe what it looked like so that he could arm himself with the proper bug killing tool, like a fly swatter, tissue or can of bug spray. By the time he entered the room, typically, the bug was no longer visible, so we soon learned that it was best to grab a sibling to keep an eye on the bug while the other one ran to describe it to our father.
If the bug was a hornet or wasp, that was the worst because my father came to battle armed with a potent bottle of poison that he would, randomly, discharge sporadically at the flying insect. Sometimes he got it on the first spray. Most times, it took two or three sprays, causing us to quickly cover or remove anything we didn’t want doused in the RAID atomizer. And once the hornet was dead (or dying a slowly stunted buzz…) my father would be on inspection duty to see if there were any visible signs of a possible nest anywhere in the vicinity.
The killing methods for flies and mosquitos were less powerful but far more dramatic because flies can be quick, and mosquitos are hard to find until they are either sucking your blood or buzzing in your ear. Watching my father kill one of these bugs was like watching an angry orchestra conductor perform whilst trying to traverse across a mine field. In the end, the bug would die, but there was always carnage left behind.
In my family, not surprisingly and given my history, I am the designated bug killer. In a more modern and educated world, I have had to adapt my father’s bug killing methods to those that are now healthier. I do own some cans of bug spray, but these are the last resort weapons of choice with a fly swatter, tissue and creativity being my first choices. Swatting a bug with a fly swatter still requires a balancing act over furniture, but, since I am the one who always has to clean up the mess, I am free to undertake whatever is necessary in my pursuit of a hand-combat kill. Tissues are perfect for the precisely aimed squish, however, they can leave a wall smear which may be difficult to clean. Enticing a fly into the gap between an open window and the screen can be very effective but placing a note on the window ‘do not open until fly is dead’ requires cooperation.
Recently, my father told me that his new- found weapon for killing bugs is Windex. I am wondering if my mother, somehow, suggested that one …
SWAT! SWAT!
Kathy Naumann, possessor of NATURALLY curly hair and the understanding that you can’t control everything!
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